World Catastrophe Map calls it quits

[Update: CatMap is Back, hurrah! Good Bye Hello] One of the brightest luminaries on the doomer landscape has withdrawn from the field, presumably to focus on building a doomstead. Here’s the final communiqué:

Goodbye

CatastropheMap is closed permanently. Feel free to enjoy our archives, and especially peruse the 2020 Foresight Prophecy Service. Free Guide to Enjoying the End Times Do Worry About: Whether your favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant is treated fairly. When you watch important TV events, pay close attention to the grassroots Clean Coal ads running. Every word is true. Do Not Worry About: The devastation of Appalachia by mountaintop mining. The hundreds of toxic coal ash “impoundment” ponds leaching arsenic, mercury, concentrated radioactive waste and cadmium into the groundwater. The destruction of valleys and streams by coal companies. The lies about restoring the land to its natural state. Do Worry About: Your smart phone. Is it really the best model? Does it have cooler features than those of your co-workers? Do Not Worry About: Extreme weather. Those unprecedented tornado superoutbreaks, record heat, record cold, record snow, epic floods on all continents, unrelenting drought on all continents, land hurricanes and biblical hail events never before seen? Liberal media conspiracy. It’s all part of a cycle. Do Worry About: Celebrities Do Not Worry About: The death of the oceans. The acidification that is killing off coral reefs. The extinction of the great game fish. The 50% decline in phytoplankton levels. Trash gyres the size of Texas, literally choking ocean life to death. The 400 dead zones, large areas where the water contains no oxygen and nothing can live. The collapse of commercial fisheries. Do Worry About: Your Cable or Satellite Package. Are you getting every single NFL and college game? While you watch the games, make sure to absorb the grassroots ads for natural gas (methane), produced by hydro-fracking. Every word of those ads is true. Do Not Worry About: Toxins and pollutants in the air, water, food and everywhere else. Is that smog in Wyoming? Where did that come from? Allergies? Autism? Learning Disabilities? Cancer? Funny looking frogs. Funny looking fish. Funny looking people? Do Worry About: Your Disneyland package. Is the VIP pass included? Will you have to pay extra for mouse ear hats. Do Not Worry About: Nukes. Scientists and engineers know exactly what we’re doing. Cooler heads will prevail in Iran, where they believe the return of the Hidden Imam will bring about the End Times. Ha. Dumb ass Islamists! Wrong messiah! Eventually, all of the abandoned mines and contaminated sites around the planet will be cleaned up. As soon as the money frees up. Do Worry About: Your golf game. It’s not you, it’s your clubs. Keep trying the latest golf technology and you’ll become the Tiger you always knew was in there. Believe. Do Not Worry About: The global death of the forests. Enjoy those sickly red evergreens and pretend it’s autumn. Sudden Oak death.Wildfires on an unprecedented scale. Pine beetles laying waste to the western forests. It’s all part of nature’s wondrous cycle. Do Worry About: Jesus and Mohammed. Which was taller? Do Not Worry About: Food. A supply of healthy, nutritious and tasty food is assured by the Bible and the U.S. Constitution. Not for Somalia, but for here. Epic floods and droughts only affect other places. Somewhere on the planet, crops are growing. No matter how many superweeds and pesticide resistant mutant bugs infest their miracle crops, Monsanto and the boys will have a solution. A science solution. And there will always be fish in the sea. Have some more sushi. Have some Kobe beef. It’s natural. Do Worry About: How you look. Does your ass look fabulous in those genes? Is it time for more botox for the forehead wrinkles, lips and elbows? Don’t Not Worry About: The Sixth Great Extinction. The world is actually a safer place without, like, tigers and lions, and elephants are more dangerous than people realize. Especially when people hunt them for their tusks. For are you liberal alarmists: we will still have zoos and picture books. What has a large mammal done for YOU lately? Do Worry About: Homosexuals. They are ruining the institution of marriage. If you are having problems in your marriage, it could be due to homosexuals.

LET THE END TIMES ROLL